Ina Garten and the Supremes

What on earth could they have in common?

They both love their men, a lot. Don’t ever want them to leave, and will do anything to keep them. Well, I’ve always thought that the Supremes were unparalleled in the misogyny in their lyrics, (¡por ejemplo! See todays songs) but I’ve noticed a pattern of dutiful housewife narrative spilling from the Food Network lately as well. I mean, Sandra Lee has always struck me as man-crazy, Rachel Ray talks about her boo half as much as EVOO, Giada is better, because shes going for the sex appeal she doesn’t want to constantly be bringing up how not available she is, but Ina? The cooler head? The one who probably doesn’t even watch the Network she’s on? On her Tex Mex for Jeffrey show she explained that the reason she always had food ready when he gets home is “I don’t want him going somewhere else for dinner.”

Cryptic, yes. A thinly veiled threat to Sarah Moulton to lay off? Probably not. Take home message of this sidebar is that just because you’re a kickass cook/Motown star does not mean that you need to make Key Lime Pies or hit singles to keep him, ladies!

I was listening to Mrs. Garten make guacamole with lemon juice when I realized very few people in the Northeast know the first thing about Mexican food. As a service to those who do not have the luxury of living in a place with a ever growing number of Mexican Americans, I thought I’d share a little Mexi-breakfast with you.

Huevos Rancheros with Tomatillo Guacamole

For Beans
One can of black beans, drained
Half sweet onion, chopped
Two cloves Garlic, chopped
1/2 can chopped green chiles
For Guac
4 avocados
4 tomatillos, husked
1-2 serrano peppers (to taste) seeded!
3/4 cup fresh cilantro chopped
Juice of 1.5 limes (use the leftover half in a drink later)
Todos Mas
As many eggs as you want
4 corn tortillas
Salt and Pepper
Butter!

Start with the guacamole; it keeps well and takes the longest. Bring a saucepan to a boil and throw your tomatillos and your serrano in there and turn it down some. It’ll be a bit, lets move to the beans. Though they’d use lard in Mexico, I use butter cause I’m Anglo.

Sautee half your onion when they’re opaque, throw your garlic in. Let that simma down a bit and then throw your green chiles in there. YUM. Dump the beans in there, turn it down and go peep your boiling tomatillos and chile. Are they the color of camouflage green? Like hexidecimal 336600? Good. Dry off your boiled goods and throw them in a blender or food processor if you have one. If not, mash it up hella. This is how I dice an avocado. I suggest it. Put all your diced avocado in a bowl and add the tomatillo mixture. Now, force bus those guys and mix it up. Toss the cilantro in there, a good helping of cilantro and some black pepper and you have tangy, wonderful, guac. Throw it in the freezer! Cool it down some.

How are your beans? Thick? Perfect, turn the heat down reallllll
low, get a skillet and throw some butter in there. Not much, just enough to fry an egg. Crack your eggs straight in the pan and let them sizzz. Toss your tortillas in the toaster and crisp them.

When the tortillas are crispy and the eggs fried, assemble! First, put the tortilla down. Then, add the egg. Put the beans over that and spoon some of your guacamole on the side. Bump some Los Tigres del Norte and ¡va a comer!

The Supremes – Stop! In The Name of Love
The Supremes – My Whole World Is Empty Without You

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