Tis the season

For suckin’ up.

The apartment market is both booming and creepy. I’ve got one pretty good lead and I’m trying to figure out a good way to posture myself to get this room. It’s pretty shameless but I’m going to do the begging thing and leave them a gift.

This house has a Wedgewood stove and a stocked tool shed. I have to pull out the big guns.

I’m going muesli, and beer.

If you were listening, the last time I made muesli I really didn’t do a good job. I let it soak in apple juice overnight and then baked it for a long time. It was gross. Seriously just nasty. Giving muesli another try proved pretty intimidating. Flashbacks of chewy oats, of poorly conceived baking strategies and of a downright shitty final product gave me the willies.

If this kiss-up muesli is going to put points in my column for this room, its going to have to be good. The problem I had will be addressed by making a muesli mix. Muesli is served with a wet aspect but does not need to be prepared wet. When I mean wet I mean with apple juice, milk or yogurt. A lot of the recipes on the toobs emphasize the soaking of the oats overnight. That’s all well and good, but I’m going to leave this on their porch and coming home to find something weird and drippy from some guy you just met probably wouldn’t have the desired effect. I’ll go with a dry mix and some persie yogurts.

This is one of those recipes that has very little recipe to it. Basically just dump it all into a bowl and mix. I’ll go ahead and name it after historical birthday girl Big Mama Thornton. She recorded “Hound Dog” while Elvis was still a twinkle in his father’s eye and is one of those R&B matriarchs that doesn’t get a lot of credit anymore.

Just like R&B, this is really good for you.

Big Mama Muesli
To the bulk aisle!
1/4 pound rolled oats
1/4 pound spelt oats
1 cup dried apple rings (available in most bulk food sections), diced
1 cup fig sticks, roughly chopped
1/2 cup ginger candies (those little yellow cubes that taste like ginger, yeah you got it.)
1/2 cup dark raisins
the zest of one orange

Serve with one freshly grated apple, a dry guy, like a Jonahgold, though thats optional.

Throw it in a bowl and call it good. I mean, stir it, but thats it. This is your mix and when you want to serve it just stir some yogurt into a bowl of it with that freshly grated apple. For a vegan twist, soak the oats with about six ounces of apple juice and that will soften them up and make them more digestible.

This is awesome for you. It was invented by Dr. Maximillian Bircher-Benner as a way to incorporate the healthiest things a person can eat- whole grains and fruit- into one meal. It used to be served raw, but like every other healthy food, over the years we found ways to throw dairy into it.

Served with coffee and say, toast and orange marmalade is a pretty awesome breakfast in bed.

Roy Orbison – You Got It


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